雅思寫作之雅思高分作文的秘密

　　雅思寫作高分作文不是一次性寫出來的，而是改出來的;好的雅思口語也不是一次性說出來的，而是無數次修改遣詞造句的結果。下面讓我們一起來看看幾個比較典型的句子，看看雅思寫作高分作文是如何誕生的。

　　一、原句：With all the reasons, the mind to be with you is always existing from the first moment when opening my eyes to the last second when clasing them, and is planted in my heart deeptly just like a luxuriant tree.

　　點評：With all the reasons, the mind to be with you is always existing(時態有一點問題) from 要加上the first moment when opening(主語是mind不是I,所以這里不能用ing，否則就是mind自己張開眼睛的意思) my eyes to the last second when clasing(單詞拼寫錯誤) them, and is planted (是不是想說植根)in my heart deeply, just like a luxuriant tree.

　　修改參考：With all the reasons that can be found in this universe, the faith to be with has been deeply rooted in my mind, heart and soul from the first moment when I open my eyes to the last second when I close them.

　　二、原句：When the earthquake occurs, the world gives a warm hand.

　　點評修改：When the earthquake occurs on May 12th, causing nearly 30 thousand people of death and making most cities in ruins, the whole world offers a warm hand, extremely donation(是不是想說generous?) ,kind-hearted assist (是不是想說assistance?) and the strength which we cohere for Sichuan.

　　修改參考：The earthquake on May 12th can shake the foundation of Sichuan’s tallest buildings, leaving 70000 lives killed and several cities destroyed, but it cannot touch the foundation of the whole world where a warm hand is always there, the entire planet where we are always connected as one, and the global village where all is for one and one is for all.

　　三、原句：I will spend my entire life protecting you and to make you be away from the hurt, undoubtedly, ensureyou live in the world filled with sunshine and happiness.

　　修改點評：I will spent my entire life protecting you and to make(這里不能用不定式) you be away from the hurt, undoubtedly(放在動詞前面或者句子前面), ansure(單詞拼寫錯誤)you live in the world filled with sunshine and happiness.

　　I will spend (加上副詞) my entire life protecting you from any hurt(什么樣的傷害) and ensure you a world with sunshine and happiness.(后面可以加很多細節)

　　修改參考：It may take you years to wait for me but I spend my entire life searching for you, only hoping to keep you safe from harms in pouring rain and bring in an endless sunshine where all flowers blooms at your smile, all birds sing at your call, all stars twinkle at your dance, and all the universe turns to heaven at your love.